How to TRULY relax…

How do you like to relax? Read a good book? Have a warm bath? Spy on the neighbours? Well, these are all great, but shew I unto you a more excellent way:

Shopping.

That might sound a little strange coming from a muscly blokey young man such as I wish I was, but there’s nothing so therapeutic or serene in this world. – I should clarify as I am quite specific about my relaxatory shopping: It must be late at night, I must be alone, and it must be groceries.

If there was one aspect of 2004 which was most modern and progressive, surely it would have to be late night supermarkets. You can get up at 2am and say to yourself, “Gad, there’s no milk for breakky! I’d better duck down to Woolies and grab some!”. Brilliant! But I’m not really talking about those late-night whims. I’m talking about getting your list off the fridge and filling up a whole trolley. Late night groceries. Yes sir.

Would you like to talk about relaxing? Try strolling down the aisles at your own pace, just thinking about life, the universe and whether you have enough tea… There’s no one there, so who’s to know if you slip a tin of Milo or a bottle of Dr Pepper into your trolley? Ah Bliss! And I haven’t even got to the best part: The specials!

Late at night, the Supermarket fairies come out and put magic stickers on the perishables to say that you can have them cheaper. Most days, you can get packets of doughnuts for 99c and tubs of yogurt for 50c. Why, just today I bought a packet of bagels, $2.49, down from $3.59. And that was late afternoon! I always head straight for the meat, bread, dairy or fruit and veg and snap up a bargain. It’s the thrill of the hunt y’see. Then there’s the leisurely stroll up and down the shelves tossing into your trolley whatever takes your fancy. Some days. I don’t even take a list, I do all my planning on the spot. I might pick up a magazine for recipe ideas, then buy all the ingredients. I might suddenly decide that I don’t have enough airtight containers and linger in the kitchenware section for as long as I please. The staff must think I’m lunatic, but I’m not fussed, it’s truly wonderful.

Honestly, I could go on like this all night, but it’s getting late and Jesmond Woolworths shuts at midnight.

Mention this entry at your local Coles. I don’t know if you will get a discount, (I suspect you won’t) but you will be imparting healthy advice to fellow shoppers.

Goodnight.

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