Ask Dr Aunty Joan…

Well, we’ve had a massive bundle of mail this week, generally positive response to the opening of SGR, mostly saying how much better we are then other sites such as Google or Ebay or NSW Health. Between comments of your experiences with Lipton’s new teas (no word from Lipton as of yet), and requests for future posts, a few of you asked our advice on some of life’s little troubles. Wise though we pretend to be, I felt as if we needed some outside help so I gave my Dr Aunty Joan a call and she was more than happy to put down her crossword and delicious cup of Lipton’s Cherry-Cola Tea to come and offer her years of experience as a doctor and an aunty to you.

Here’s our first letter:

Dear SGR guys,
My name is Timmy and I’m four and three quarters. I read your stories and liked them. Mummy says I can’t make myself a cup of tea because I’m too little but Mummy and Daddy tried a packet of Thai Green Curry Tea and thought it was yummy.

You all seem very smart, can I ask you a question? [ED – YES, CERTAINLY] Thankyou [ED – YOU’RE WELCOME] my friend Sue said that if you watch too much TV you will get square eyes, I don’t watch very much TV (only Playschool, Spot, and Question Time in the House of Representatives) but I do like to watch all the clothes in the washing machine. Do you think I might get big round eyes?

I love you,

Little Timmy.

And Dr Aunty Joan writes…

Hello Little Timmy,

Wow! What an exciting question! Firstly, your friend Sue is quite right. If you watch too much TV, is has been shown to give you square eyes, or ‘ocular cubosis’ as we Aunty Doctors call it. As for watching all the clothes in the washing machine (which is great fun), there hasn’t been as much research in this area. A few studies have shown that kiddies who like to read get huge ugly goopey eyes and don’t make many friends, so don’t try this.
What I suggest is that you try to balance out you TV watching with your Washing Machine watching. If your mummy is a bit worried, maybe she could get a top-loader, or even a twin-tub. The boys here at SGR have a twin-tub and they call it all sorts of nasty names, maybe she could have that one.
Anyway I hope this helps,
Stay away from the naughty boys,

Love, Dr Aunty Joan.

Dr Aunty Joan will be in once a week to answer any questions you always wanted to ask a doctor or an Aunty, but never did. If you have a question for her, reply to this message and we’ll get back to you.

Tom and Dr Aunty Joan.

New tasty teas?

When I first heard of a new range of teas by Lipton (www.lipton.com), I was the tiniest bit skeptical (www.tom.was.skeptical.org). New flavours such as Cookies and Cream, Chocolate Orange and Honeycomb, seemed unlikely to combine comfortably with the refreshing taste of black tea.
Nevertheless, in the interests of having something to complain about, I bought a box of Cookies and Cream teabags on my last trip to Coles and hurried home to put the kettle on. In fancy squiggly letters on the side of the box were the words “Add milk for a latte experience”*. This I did and then settled down to sample my beveragal experiment. I was instantly converted, my skepticism falling away like a novelty chair. I cannot begin to describe to you how a hot cup of tea can taste like a plate of Assorted Creams, but Gad, my taste buds were certainly doing a double take that day. I’m jiggling my way through the rest of the packet so I can go and buy another flavour…

If you are a representative of the very fine Lipton Tea Company, congratulations on a winning success, here are some suggestions for other flavours that might prove popular: Dr Pepper Tea, Lamb Kebab, Cappuccino Tea, Bacon and Eggs, Cough Medicine Tea.

Thanks for reading, now go quickly to your nearest tea vendor (don’t stop to pedantically look for split infinitives) and buy some of these little liquid beauties.

Now all I need are some Tea flavoured bikkies and a Good-Book flavoured bun and I’m set for my evenings.

Happy Dunkin’

Tom.

* For a real latte experience, sandgateroad.blogspot.com recommends actual Latte, available from any quality cafe.

Welcome to Sandgate Road…

Sandgate Road is, as the name suggests, a road. It is not, as the name less accurately suggests, in Sandgate.

As well as being a road (or perhaps to be more semantically correct, a street), Sandgate Road (hereafter abbreviated to SGR) is a handsome brick house set a safe distance back from SGR (the street).

On top of being a street and a house (and this is where it gets deep/clever/confusing/to-the-point-where-you-stop-reading) SGR is the group of fellow who live therein and thereon (or vice versa).

Essentially, it’s SGR, not SGR or SGR that really makes SGR SGR.

If you ring SGR there’s about a one in seven chance that the person answering the phone will say:

“Hello, Sandgate Road, XXXX speaking…”,

Or if XXXX isn’t home:

“Good morning, Sandgate Road…”,

or something like that.

If this happens to you, mention this entry to receive a free back issue of the Sydney Morning Herald.

Anyhue, (preferably magenta) enough of my syntactically questionable ramblings, I’ve got legitimate work to do,

Tootles,

Tom.